Hey, is the Captain around? He forgot to sign these.
Uh, yeah, he's in his office talking to Linda.
Hey! Look who's here.
Monk and Natalie just walked in.
Aw, hi guys!
Oh, Linda, hi!
You look great.
Thanks, so do you.
Hello!
Is that your new place?
As of last weekend.
I love those curtains.
Oh, well, thanks.
It's like a television and a telephone.
Together?
Brave new world, huh?
I guess you can't call somebody in your underwear.
Sure you can. Natalie, they would see you.
We have a webcam date at 6:30 every night.
It's the only chance I get to see her
now that she's moved uptown.
Well, don't worry, baby, you'll get to see
plenty of me in Hawai'I.
Look. Wait.
See what I bought?
Yeah, oh, now, hold on. For the full effect...
I love it.
Hawaii. Yeah.
Yeah, we're leaving Friday.
I haven't had a vacation in over 10 years.
Oh, so jealous. Where are you staying?
On Kauai.
And look, it's the North Shore right... there.
And we may never come home.
Oh, you're gonna have so much fun.
I am counting the minutes.
And, oh, is that the correct time?
It's 7:00. I gotta go.
I've got a closing tomorrow,
so I have to crunch some numbers.
What happened to Sean?
Well, uh, he's up in Marin County,
showing a house.
Better him than me, right?
So I love you, and I will see you tomorrow!
Bye, all.
Bye. Good-bye!
I love you too.
Good-bye. I mean, aloha.
You're a lucky man.
So Sean is her partner?
Yeah, yeah, they've been together for 17 years.
Oh, God, that's longer than most marriages.
Longer than mine.
Hi, you must be Richard.
Richard Young. My wife, Carol.
Hi, Sean Corcoran. Fusco Realty.
Come on in.
Sorry we're late. We got a little lost.
No problem, I was just returning some phone calls.
The owners are out of town.
So we can take our time.
I love the foyer.
All original mahogany.
And the fixtures are all custom made.
Shall we start upstairs?
Help us!
Would you hold on a, a...
Hello? Hello.
Leland, what are you doing here?
I'm taking you out to breakfast.
Charlie! Charlie, take a break.
Well, what is going on?
Well, this tree was dead.
If it fell down, it would take out half your roof,
so I called a buddy of mine at the Parks Department.
You are really a full-service boyfriend, aren't you?
Mm.
What's he doing?
Some idiot parked in front of your fire hydrant,
so I made a phone call.
You know, I think you worry a little too much.
It's my job to worry about you.
That's sweet.
Oop, sorry.
Linda Fusco.
Yes?
What?
Oh, my God.
When?
No, I understand. Thank you.
Sweetie, what's wrong?
It's Sean. He was killed last night.
In the house that he was showing. He was murdered.
Sweetie, I'm sorry.
That's Marin County, right?
I know some guys up there. We'll work this together.
No, no, no, Leland. Don't leave me.
Okay.
Don't worry, I'm here. I'm here.
It's okay.
Help you?
Yes, I am Natalie Teeger, and this is Adrian Monk.
Ah, yeah, yeah, I talked to Leland Stottlemeyer.
He said you'd be dropping by.
Guess he didn't think our little department
could handle a grown-up homicide, huh?
No-no-no-no. Not the whole department.
It's just one guy.
Stottlemeyer worked with a guy from here
20 years ago in Malibu.
Apparently, the guy was a real...
What was the word? Uh, hammerhead.
Hammerhead. That's the word, like:
Just one guy.
20 years ago. Malibu.
N- no. N- n-n-no.
Not-no, did I say- not Malibu.
No, it wasn't you. It wasn't you.
Yeah, he never actually said who - Never.
But, uh, it wasn't you.
Who are you? What is your name?
Hendrix. Hendrix.
Nah, definitely wasn't you.
Yeah, that was the guy he said it wasn't.
All right, all right.
You can come in, but not one word.
Do you understand?
Observer status only.
Keep your mouth shut.
Mr. and Mrs. Young?
Just a couple more questions, if you don't mind.
You said the killer was 5'7", right?
He was hiding in the bathroom,
and he came out and he shot Sean Corcoran.
Then what?
He just stood there.
For a couple seconds.
Then we just ran away.
He could've killed us.
I don't know why he didn't.
Did he say anything?
Excuse me?
I've been thinking about it...
I think it might've been a woman.
Why do you say that?
The lips.
They were sort of a coral peach.
Lipstick?
I'm a buyer for a cosmetics company.
It's a pretty unusual shade.
I think Runway makes one.
Oh, I love Runway.
It's just-it's so expensive. I can't afford it.
Why not?
Oh, yeah.
It was her. She said something.
I was just answering her.
It wasn't you.
Lieutenant.
We found the point of entry.
Excuse me.
Okay. All right.
Well...
Simple as pie, huh?
He, or, uh, she...
breaks the glass, reaches in,
throws the lock, opens the door.
Permission to speak.
Permission denied.
Permission denied?
Permission to speak anyway.
Just say one thing real quick, and then I'll shut up.
These shards of glass - they're still intact.
If she came in this way, she would've stepped on them.
So... at least some of them would be cracked.
Or maybe she stepped over 'em, right?
Like... this.
Right? That makes sense, doesn't it?
Maybe.
Or she had a key.
I still can't believe it.
I feel like crying, but I can't.
Is that normal?
Anything you feel is normal.
It's just such a shock.
It is so heartbreaking.
I just talked to Keri - that's Sean's wife.
She's devastated. Well, we all are.
They really think that it was a woman?
Well, they're not sure.
Who else had a key
to that house?
Well, let's see, um...
The homeowners, obviously, and...
probably some relatives.
Maybe some household help.
Anybody here?
Your sales staff?
Yeah, there was a lock box
on the front door.
Uh, yeah, that's true.
Any one of the agents could've gotten in, but...
it could not have been anyone here.
We are a family.
Did Sean have any enemies?
No.
Wait. There was one client.
A woman?
Her name was Hubbert. Helen Hubbert.
Sean sold her a property last year,
and she had been writing him letters.
And it was pretty nasty stuff.
I think the letters are in his office.
Is this a picture of you with your father?
My grandfather.
It's him just before he died.
Sean's office is this way.
Was he leaving?
Well, it's no secret that he was starting his own company.
That happens all the time.
Um... yes. Here it is.
Helen Hubbert.
I met her at a closing once.
She didn't seem dangerous.
Maybe a little tightly wound, but...
I guess you can never tell.
No. You can't.
Well, if you will excuse me.
I am going to go home...
and have a nervous breakdown.
You okay?
What is it?
I'm afraid to say it out loud.
She knows how to use a shotgun.
She had a motive. You saw those boxes.
She was taking a lot of their clients with him.
Wait, are you talking about Linda?
Shh!
Natalie...
she's the same height as the killer,
she had a key to the house.
Mr. Monk, that's the captain's girlfriend.
I - I don't believe it.
I mean, it could all just be a coincidence, right?
I found it in her purse.
Coral Peach by Runway.
Great, thank you.
Yeah, I'll see you there.
Aloha to you too.
I just booked the second best ukulele band in San Francisco.
I'm, uh, throwing the captain and Linda
a little going away party.
It's a luau. Grass skirts, limbo dancing.
They're still going?
Yeah, they pushed it back a week,
until after the funeral, but they're still gonna go.
The captain says Linda needs it now more than ever.
You know, plus any excuse for a luau.
Is he here? Uh, no.
He took Linda to lunch. Can I get him on his cell?
No! No no no no.
Actually, we wanted to talk to you.
It's kind of important.
Randy, what we're about to tell you is absolutely confidential.
You can't repeat it to anyone.
Are you in love with me?
What? No!
I think Linda Fusco might have killed her partner.
What?
I don't believe that.
There's no way, Monk.
Am I in love with you? No, it's Linda.
We know her. Do we?
Yeah.
Besides, it...
it's impossible.
I mean, she was talking to the Captain that night
on the webcam from her house.
I mean, Monk, you were there.
I know, but let's just-
Oh, okay, what? It was about at 7:00?
Right?
And she was...
definitely here in Richmond at 7:00.
The guy was killed when?
7:20. There were two witnesses.
Okay, he was killed at 7:20...
here in Novato... hmm...
It's, like, 30 miles.
32.2.
Okay, 32.2 miles in 20 minutes?
There's no way.
That's 100 miles an hour through traffic.
It's just not possible.
Maybe she had a jetpack.
Like in those James Bond movies.
Yeah, well, there's no such thing
as a working jet pack.
Don't ask me how I know.
Randy, do you have
any ideas?
I mean, anything at all.
One of your crazy theories?
My crazy theories.
Like what?
Like me being in love with you?
Oh, you think that's crazier than Linda Fusco flying
across San Francisco in a jet pack?
Too close to call.
Oh, well, here they come. Ask her for yourself.
Oh, false alarm.
I heard a motorcycle. I thought it was them.
I thought the captain sold his motorcycle.
Yeah, he did. Linda has one too.
Pretty sweet, huh?
Where did you get that?
From a biker friend of mine. I did him a favor once.
What kind of favor?
You really wanna know?
Nuh-uh.
Okay, so I just- how exactly-
Mr. Monk, why don't you just wait here?
I can do this.
No! No, no, no.
When I talk to Leland, I...
I have to tell him that I checked it out myself.
Okay, then let's do it.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Brand-new, straight from the factory,
nobody's even worn it.
Eh...
Mr. Monk, if you don't put it on,
bugs are going to fly into your mouth.
Can't you just avoid them?
I can't avoid the bugs.
Sure you can.
You see a bug. Zigzag.
See another bug. Zig. Zag.
If you don't put it on, we're not going.
What's so funny?
Oh, nothing, sorry.
I was just thinking about something else.
You look great.
Here you go. Hop on.
Would you stop - stop laughing.
Would you, please?
Ah...
All right. Born to be mild.
Oh, that's funny.
Yeah, yeah, instead of wild, then you said mild.
That's... that's hilarious.
Okay, we're here at Linda's house.
She had 20 minutes to get there, so...
you're really gonna have to haul bottom.
Haul bottom?
It's biker talk.
It just means don't stop for anything.
All right? Got it.
All right, hold on.
To what?
To me.
I'm-I-I'm okay.
Mr. Monk, you're gonna fall off the seat.
I know what I'm doing, okay?
I'll just lean forward. It's called weight displacement.
We're wasting valuable time.
Let's do it. Ready.
And... go!
Are you all right?
Wipes! Wipes.
Well?
Could she have done it?
Done what?
Mr. Monk, check the stopwatch!
An hour and five minutes. Not even close.
So... just remind me.
The captain's girlfriend. She couldn't have done it.
We just proved it.
Right! Linda.
Thank God.
She couldn't have done it.
Oh, what a relief. She didn't do it.
Natalie, I have never been happier to be wrong.
Oh... no.
Huh?
Captain!
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Oh, we're waiting for you. You got a minute?
Not really, I'm supposed to meet Linda in...
five minutes ago.
She's still working through what happened.
I hate to leave her alone.
Yeah, we have some news, some good news.
Yeah. We have good news.
We think we know who killed Sean Corcoran.
That's great. That was fast.
Yeah.
This individual has a motive...
Good. Motive is good.
Owns a shotgun, and had access to the house.
Well, let's pick him up. What's his name?
Monk, the suspect has a name, right?
And what is that name?
I can't.
Linda.
Linda Fusco.
That's hilarious.
You got me. That's good.
Ha! That's rich.
See you guys maņana.
Captain?
He's not joking.
He never jokes.
That's true.
She's the guy.
No, no-wait. She...
She was at home. We talked to her.
She was 30 miles away from the thing.
Captain, she made a point of mentioning the time.
It was 7:00, remember?
We were her alibi.
How?
I don't know how.
But she's the guy.
Captain...
we found this at the scene.
Hibiscus.
Linda was putting a flower just like it
in her hair the night Sean Corcoran was killed.
A lot of people...
I can't believe we're having this discussion.
I can't either.
Well, what about the lunatic?
The, uh, the client that wrote those letters?
Have you even looked at her?
Captain, this isn't easy for me.
Oh, really?
What is?
You're talking about the woman I love, Monk.
I know. I know.
I think I know what's going on here.
You look at me, and you can't stand it.
I have what you want.
A badge, a woman, a life.
That's true. But-
But nothing!
This is not my problem, Monk. This is your problem.
You deal with it.
All right, look. Why don't we-
Why don't we talk to a neutral party?
We could call the Marin County D. A.-
I am done talking! I am done talking.
But I'm gonna do you a favor, Monk.
For old time's sake.
I'm gonna forget that you said anything.
This never happened.
Okay?
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my girlfriend is very upset.
You don't mind if we record this, right?
It's your party.
For the record, your name is Helen Hubbert.
You teach physical education at Edge Park Middle School.
So you must be in pretty good shape.
I guess.
How tall are you, Ms. Hubbert?
5'8".
I understand you bought a house from Sean Corcoran
last year, is that correct?
You're asking about those letters I sent.
Mm-hmm.
I meant every damn word.
That man lied to me.
The roof leaks, the furnace is crap,
and I've got carpenter ants in both bathrooms.
Sounds like you have very strong feelings about Mr. Corcoran.
I hated his guts.
I'm sorry about what happened, but-
You hate his guts.
I notice you're wearing lipstick.
Do you wear lipstick every day?
Is that a crime now?
No, ma'am, no. A lot of women wear lipstick.
Doesn't mean anything.
Anything at all.
Where were ya Friday night around 7:30?
Friday night?
Yeah. I was sick.
I came home and took a sleeping pill.
That was about 5:00.
So, uh... you didn't see anybody,
you didn't talk to anybody? No.
I live alone. I just went to sleep.
So you don't have an alibi...
for Friday night, do you?
I guess not.
Do I need one?
When we spoke on the phone,
you said your father was a locksmith.
That's right.
And you used to work in his store.
A couple of summers in high school.
So you could pick a lock.
If I had to, I guess.
Excuse me.
Could you fix the blinds, please?
I don't feel like it.
I wasn't talking to you. Ma'am?
I'm gonna need you to fix the blinds at this time.
Who is that?
I'm with the FBI.
In Washington.
Stop it. D. C.
Watching you on my computer.
Screen.
Don't listen to him, ma'am. He is not-
Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to fix the blind.
And while you're at it,
pick up the Styrofoam pieces
scattered about the room. He is not a federal agent.
Yes, he-I am.
No, he's not.
He's an ex-cop
who hates himself and hates his life
and isn't happy unless
everybody else is as miserable as he is!
Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want us to inform
the school board about your little drinking problem.
What? I mean, how-
How? How?
We're the FBI, that's how!
Oh, for God's sakes, he can see the flask in your pocket.
And Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want
the IRS to know about your second job.
You have been moonlighting as a waitress, haven't you?
Have you been reporting all of your tips?
He's looking inside your purse.
He can see your wad of singles.
Hey! Hey, Agent Nat Lee, huh?
Here, what do you think of that?
Leland, you can put this woman away for the rest of her life.
Linda Fusco will still be guilty.
Hey, how'd the interrogation go?
I got a roast pig for the party.
37 pounds.
That's big for a pig.
Did you tell the Captain your theory about Linda?
Yes. We did.
How'd that go over?
Leland-
It's not Linda.
She was 30 miles away.
It was this woman we're holding, Helen Hubbert.
Weren't you listening?
She has no alibi!
Then it can't be her.
What the hell are you talking about?
Think about it.
That night, the killer was hiding in the bathroom.
She could've shot Corcoran any time.
But she didn't. She waited.
Why?
She needed a witness.
I don't have to listen to this.
Yes, you do! You're a cop.
You're the best cop I know.
Leland, the killer needed a witness
to confirm the exact time of the murder.
Why? There's only one possible reason.
The killer had an airtight alibi for 7:20.
Now, wa-
Because Helen Hubbert does not have an alibi,
it means it couldn't be her?
That's right.
Her not having an alibi clears her?
That's right. It's the best alibi of all.
I am so glad we're not talking.
I'm 51 years old.
She's the last chance I have.
She's the guy.
Whoo.
So this is it.
Oh.
All new hardwood floors, brand-new appliances.
Oh, wow.
And the closets are great.
Oh, wow, yeah.
It's-it's so- it's so homey.
Mm, mm.
And how much is it?
Uh, it's 2,200.
2,200? Yes.
Well, you are paying for the neighborhood, and-
and for the schools, of course.
Of course.
Oh! Will you excuse me?
Uh-huh.
Ah...
Oh, hi, honey.
Yeah, back in the saddle.
I'm showing Natalie an apartment.
No, no, just Natalie.
He what?
You can't be serious.
Can I call you back?
Is everything okay? Yes.
I'm-I'm fine.
Hey, where's Adrian?
I thought you two were always together.
Oh, you know, he does something every Wednesday.
It's Thursday.
And Thursday.
You know Mr. Monk. He can't just do something.
He has to go back the next day and just check his work.
Right.
I'm sorry, I forgot I'm showing
an apartment to someone else downstairs, so...
I'll be right back. Okay.
Thanks, Linda.
What are you doing?
I could have you arrested.
But you won't.
You don't have to snoop around, Mr. Monk.
If you want to ask me a question,
you could just call my office.
Are you afraid of me?
Oh, yeah.
Where's the shotgun?
What shotgun are we talking about?
The one that was in there.
You have a barrel cleaner and gun oil.
My grandfather left me his 12-gauge when he died.
And it was stolen.
Ah.
Did you report it?
Of course I did.
It would be illegal not to.
Do you have a copy of that report?
Of course I do.
It's upstairs.
In the bedroom.
It's in here someplace.
Is this where you talk to the captain?
That's right.
6:30 every night.
Leland told me that you're becoming obsessed with me.
To tell you the truth, I'm a little flattered.
I know about your wife.
About what happened.
You miss her.
You are obviously in a lot of pain.
And pain like that can make it difficult
to think-
Well...
to think clearly.
I wish there was something I could do to help.
The report.
Oh, I can't find it. I've misplaced it.
I'm-I'm very forgetful.
Mm, no, you're not.
What are you doing?
Negotiating.
Well, you're a bad girlfriend.
Maybe.
But I am a very good negotiator.
I'm probably the best negotiator in Northern California.
And I think that it's time that we close this deal.
Leland is my friend!
My best friend, my only friend, really.
There was this guy last year-Ke-no-
Hal. Hal Tucker.
You know, we went to a hockey game,
but he's in prison now.
I think he was using me. I'm pretty sure-
Well, what Leland doesn't know won't hurt him.
That's not true.
That is not true. This will kill him.
Are you looking for something?
Why don't you come on over here and search me?
Sorry, she must've figured it out!
Go, go, just go!
Are you okay? What happened?
Did she have a gun?
No, no. Are my eyes bleeding?
Natalie...
She did it. She definitely did it!
And I-I know how she did it. Go!
Just go!
See? It's all in the hands.
Every movement tells a story.
This means palm tree.
This is shark. Shark.
Rain. Rain.
Hey, Randy!
What does this mean?
Yeah, well, we all know what that means, Sergeant.
How about this?
What about this?
Okay, you know what?
That's not in the hula spirit at all.
If Hawaii looks anything like this,
I'm not getting off the plane.
So how's the investigation going?
So far, we've hit a dead end, but we'll catch a break.
We always do.
Say, this would look really cute on you.
Mm.
Have you talked to Monk?
Uh, he's been leaving messages.
I'll call him back when I calm down.
Maybe next year.
Well, it's just that, uh, something happened.
Yesterday, when I came home, he was there.
Monk?
And he was crazy.
He was accusing me of the most horrible things.
I told him to leave you alone.
I'll take care of it.
I'll get a restraining order if I have to.
Leland...
he was touching me.
Monk?
And he said that
he would set me up and frame me for the murder
if I didn't sleep with him.
Adrian Monk wanted to sleep with you?
Is that so hard to believe?
Ha ha! All right.
Lower, lower, lower.
All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
Oh, Natalie, uh...
Sorry, Captain said that Monk isn't invited.
I feel terrible.
It's like a divorce.
It's always the kids who get hurt.
Who are the kids?
Me and you.
Well, Mr. Monk isn't here.
It's just me.
You don't have a problem with me, do you?
No.
No, keep going, keep going.
Uh, hello. Um, excuse me?
Thank you, um...
I have a little surprise for the two of you.
If you would just come with me for one minute.
Come on, Captain.
Come on.
All right, everybody.
Hello? Hello.
Hello, can you see me?
Yes, Mr. Monk, we can see you.
Don't-don't touch anything.
No, Mr. Monk, it's fine.
Look, here I am.
Yeah, but don't-don't touch it, it's fine.
Okay, so, um, everybody's here.
Including the captain.
Yeah, and me. Hey, Monk!
Is that Randy? What are you wearing?
Police tape. Where are you?
That's her bedroom.
So it would appear
Linda was playing some music, remember?
You see? I told you. He was stalking me.
Now, can't you do anything?
Leland! Leland.
I've been trying to call you all day.
Something I have to show you. I know how she did it.
Leland.
Please, just get me out of here.
Please, I can't take this anymore.
Let's just go. Right now.
Let's just go - go to the airport.
We can't leave now. We've got reservations.
Oh, forget Hawaii. Let's just-
Let's just disappear.
We can start over.
Maybe South America. Maybe Venezuela.
Listen...
Do you hear that?
I think it's coming from down there.
You can turn that off.
That's your bedroom.
It's not her bedroom.
It's a replica. It's a duplicate.
Here's what happened.
You rented this truck under your maiden name
and went to work.
You duplicated everything.
The furniture, the computer, the curtains,
even the pictures.
You must've been planning it for months.
You began talking to the captain every night,
from your bedroom at 6:30.
Except for last Friday.
Last Friday, you were talking from a parking lot
a couple of blocks from that house in Novato,
from a robot... uh, satellite.
Wireless internet.
Whatever.
That night, you chatted with the captain
like you always did.
You fooled him.
You fooled me. You fooled everybody.
At 7:00, you signed off and snuck into the house.
You knew Sean Corcoran had an appointment there at 7:15.
All you had to do was hide and wait.
It worked.
Except for the part about the truck getting towed.
That was a tough break.
When were you gonna go pick it up?
The next time Leland left town?
How did you know?
A pen?
The night we talked,
you put the pen down on the table.
I remember.
It rolled a little.
Yesterday in your bedroom, in your real bedroom,
it didn't roll.
It just stayed there.
I couldn't figure it out.
And then it hit me.
On the night of the murder,
your bedroom must've been on a slant.
You parked on a hill.
I parked on a hill.
Leland...
Sorry.
Yeah, me too.
I did this for us.
We had something.
We had something real.
We could've made it all the way.
Randy?
Here's what I can't figure.
Was it a setup from the beginning,
is that what it was all about?
Did she figure a cop would make a better alibi
or was it for real?
Man, it sure felt like it was for real.
I guess I'll never know.
Sorry, did you say something?
No.
You know, I think it worked out okay.
I mean, all things considered.
But here's what I can't figure out, though.
Did she really love you
or was it a setup from the beginning?
I mean, maybe she figured a cop would be the perfect alibi.
Or maybe it was the real thing, and the plan came later.
Something to think about, though, huh?
Huh.
Yup. Something to think about.
What was that?
That was nothing.
It was just a rock.
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